Gratitude

A Mothers’ Prayer

Help me remember, when I feel it's a chore,

The time will come when I'll hold my baby no more,

Asleep on my chest, the crib refused, the blanket,

the pacifier, gone unused.

What better place is there to lay baby's head

Than against my heart, my arms her bed?

For children may leave us behind

With only memories left to remind us

Of midnight walking and predawn rocking,

Of sweet, nursing babies slumber to sleep.

So, keep me patient and keep me present

While I cradle this dear child,

And don't let me begrudge another long night

With this baby, my darling, my joy, my delight.

With thanks to the original author,,Jan Dunlap

Happy Thanksgiving!

Pertussis Epidemic or Whooped-Up Media Hype?

Do you know that many infants. children and adults will have a cough this winter?  Very, very few of them will actually have pertussis.  The "whooping cough threat" is just a media and health department exaggeration, saying it is an epidemic is totally inaccurate.

First of all, pertussis is a long, miserable disease and rarely is dangerous to very young babies.  Most people are not actually tested for the bacteria - it is assumed or treated as such.  There are other bacteria like, Parapertussis (rarely dangerous) that is not in the vaccine which may account for these illnesses.  Also RSV and lots of other viruses are more common causes of fall/winter sickness.

So when it is "reported" that someone died of pertussis it is difficult to confirm due to the inaccuracy of the diagnosis.  Media also needs to report that these deaths are usually exclusively in the underprivilaged families.  There should be open dialog from public health officials regarding risks of winter illness instead of cross-the-board scare tactics.

Don't panic and be "sucked in" by sensationalized media stories.  Just  use common sense:
breastfeed, eat healthy food, stay well hydrated, avoid crowds when practical, wash your hands and relax!

Remember, we all have an immune system which is in place to help us when we get sick.  Chances are, it will happen eventually.  This is normal, not harmful.  Sometimes I think it's purpose is to say, slow down, stop what you are doing and get some much needed rest!

Our Official Guardian Angel - Jordan Plaushinat

My favorite picture!



Sometimes we are graced by the presence of an earth bound angel.  They are sent as little gifts from God to guide, teach and enhance our lives but we never know the length of their stay. 

Even though, Jordan wasn't with us long (22 months) she touched the lives of so many.  Jordan was just like other kids, loved Elmo and Cookie Monster, books and balloons, helping her Mommy with the dishwasher and playing with her family and friends.



Who knew that this child would be chosen for greater duty?  Who knew she would now serve as a guardian angel for all our little ones?   None of us could have known or predicted or such a thing.....but we are glad to know she is there.

Jordan's bright smile, her contagious laugh and courageous personality will live on in all our hearts. Her life
serves as wonderful reminder of two things:
angels do exist and people may die but love never dies.

Dear Jordan,

Protect our little ones

when we cannot shield them;

Be by their side

when we are not present;

Wipe their tears

if we not know they weep;

Cool them
when their fever perists;
Lessen their pain

when we no longer can;

Sing to them

when we are weary;
Warm them
when their blanket has fallen;
Hold them close

when they are afraid;
Smile upon them
with your everlasting love.
Amen









Where Have All the Children Gone?

 

 Like many of you, I was horrified (again) after reading about the Rutgers student who jumped off the GWB.

Questions like, "How could this happen?", "Who would do such a thing to someone?"  Yet, these disturbing stories are more and more common in the US. 

Anyone that knows me, knows how I feel about the empathetic treatment of newborns and children.  Many of you have been subject to a lesson, rant, lecture....call it what you may, regarding this important issue.  We are models for our children and yes, they are a reflection of us.  Scary when we are confronted by that reflection and have to face it for what it is.  The US has done a terrible disservice when it comes to raising it's young and now as a society, we are left with the dismal consequences - detachment, low self-worth, dysfunction, aggression, I can go on and on. 

How did we get here?  Just the other day I came across this entry on the internet.  For me, it helps answer that question.   Also it reinforces the beliefs and teachings I try to bestow on all my new parents when it comes to aquired empathy and compassion.  Like I say, babies don't need much...they just need you.
So here are some very powerful findings from a recent study out of Notre Dame.  Frankly, why we need a study to prove this I don't know!  Common sense, you would think.

*Ever meet a kindergartener who seemed naturally compassionate and cared about others' feelings? Who was cooperative and didn't demand his own way? Chances are, his parents held, carried and cuddled him a lot; he most likely was breastfed; he probably routinely slept with his parents; and he likely was encouraged to play outdoors with other children, according to new research findings from the University of Notre Dame
http://www.physorg.com/news204201579.html

**Three new studies led by Notre Dame Psychology Professor Darcia Narvaez show a relationship between child rearing practices common in foraging hunter-gatherer societies (how we humans have spent about 99
percent of our history) and better mental health, greater empathy and conscience development, and higher intelligence in children.


“Our research shows that the roots of moral functioning form early in life, in infancy, and depend on the affective quality of family and community support,” says Narvaez, who specializes in the moral and
character development of children.The three studies include an observational study of the practices of parents of three-year-olds, a longitudinal study of how certain child rearing practices relate to child outcomes in a national child abuse prevention project, and a comparison study of parenting practices between mothers in the U.S. and China. The longitudinal study examined data from the research of another Notre Dame psychologist, John Borkowski, who specializes in the impact of child abuse and neglect on development.


The results of Narvaez’ three studies as well as those from researchers around the world will be presented at a conference at Notre Dame in October titled “Human Nature and Early Experience: Addressing the
Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness. http://ccf.nd.edu/symposium/”
“The way we raise our children today in this country is increasingly depriving them of the practices that lead to well being and a moral sense ,” she says.

Narvaez identifies six characteristics of child rearing that were common to our distant ancestors:

• Lots of positive touch - as in no spanking - but nearly constant carrying, cuddling and holding;
• Prompt response to baby’s fusses and cries. You can’t “spoil” a baby. This means meeting a child’s needs before they get upset and the brain is flooded with toxic chemicals. “Warm, responsive caregiving like this keeps the infant’s brain calm in the years it is forming its personality and response to the world,” Narvaez says.
• Breastfeeding, ideally 2 to 5 years. A child’s immune system isn’t fully formed until age 6 and breast milk provides its building blocks.
• Multiple adult caregivers - people beyond mom and dad who also love the child.
• Free play with multi-age playmates. Studies show that kids who don’t play enough are more likely to have ADHD and other mental health issues.
• Natural childbirth, which provides mothers with the hormone boosts that give the energy to care for a newborn.


The U.S. has been on a downward trajectory on all of these care characteristics, according to Narvaez. Instead of being held, infants spend much more time in carriers, car seats and strollers than they did
in the past. Only about 15 percent of mothers are breastfeeding at all by 12 months, extended families are broken up, and free play allowed by parents has decreased dramatically since 1970.


“Ill advised practices and beliefs have become commonplace, such as the use of infant formula, the isolation of infants in their own rooms, or the belief that responding too quickly to a fussing baby will ‘spoil’ it,” Narvaez says.

Whether the corollary to these modern practices or the result of other forces, research shows the health and well being of American children is worse than it was 50 years ago: there’s an epidemic of anxiety and
depression among the young; aggressive behavior and delinquency rates in young children are rising; and empathy, the backbone of compassionate, moral behavior, has been shown to be decreasing among college students.


“All of these issues are of concern to me as a researcher of moral development,” Narvaez says. “Kids who don’t get the emotional nurturing they need in early life tend to be more self-centered. They don’t have
available the compassion-related emotions to the same degree as kids who were raised by warm, responsive families.”

Wake Up and Smell the Formula!

Earlier this year, I was contacted by the Nestle/Gerber people.  Using flattery as their first tool, , I was told that "they" were so impressed by my website and experience.  (Snake in the grass, getting ready to bite!)  Here it comes....would I please help them out, and review the breastfeeding information for their "infant feeding hot line"?  I would be handsomely paid, she said.  Of course, I declined thinking I'd rather stick a needle in my eye than associate myself with a formula manufacturer whose unethical marketing practices have reached higher heights - the formula sponsored breastfeeding hot line!

Abbott and other formula companies have escalated their marketing campaigns due to dropping birth rates and more mothers breastfeeding. Many parenting websites, blogs, medical practices and hospitals have been successfully lured into the lion's den by wholeheartedly recommending the formula company's (Abbott & Nestle/Gerber) infant feeding hot lines.  Are they stupid or what?  That's as bad as the smoking cessation hotline by Winston! Let's just help Abbot, even more than ever, in its drive to cause more mothers to purchase Similac formula products.....OMG!

Mothers Beware!!! This is what happens: when you call the phone number provided by Abbott you reach Life Care, a company who has also been duped into marketing infant formula for Abbott. The person you reach is not an IBCLC, but an employee who has taken an on-line course in breastfeeding.  You see, IBCLCs do not work for formula companies because it presents a conflict of interest. So you are being mislead into thinking that the breastfeeding help is coming from someone credentialed to do so.

This is a huge problem because mothers are receiving inappropriate information.  I know because I, myself called to check it out, posing as a new mom with a two week old, worried I didn't have enough milk (sound familiar).  I was, of course, told by the "breastfeeding expert" to pump and mix formula with my breastmilk!  These are situations that are serious and adverse effects could be suffered by both mom and baby.

So now, companies like Babble.com who is pimping formula for Abbott and WedMD, whose infant feeding section is completely sponsored by Gerber (Nestle). are placing mothers and babies at risk.  Would your doctor refer you to a specialist who was not licensed or certified?  I hope not!  Well, referring moms to a 'resource' which is not qualified to deliver the correct information is just that....irresponsible!

Formula companies do not care about you or your baby!  They just care about making money, as much money as they possibly can which, as we know,  is never enough money!  Please tell them you are not falling for their portrayed image of community service(hot line).  Please tell me you will not be duped into buying more of their products with this new ploy!

Keep a sharp watch because the phone number is always the same 800-986-8800 but  advertized several different ways like; Feeding Expert or 24 hr Free Lactation Consultant (lie!)or Feeding Advisor 24 hr/day
Again, these are operators (who took a short on-line course) that work for Life Care, not breastfeeding experts!

Tell them you are smarter than that!  By bringing this to the attention of anyone you know.  If you see your doctor, hospital, favorite website or business recommending this number, bring this error to their attention.  We should give them the benefit of the doubt, (first time offense only) many of them do not even realise the harm they are doing. 

So take a minute and ask Babble.com to stop peddling formula for Abbott, ask WebMD to stop peddling formula for Nestle. Then, when you are done with that,  report Life Care to the Connecticut state attorney general’s office and Abbott to the Illinois state attorney general’s office. Lastly, complaints can also be sent to the Better Business Bureau in Connecticut and Illinois..........just in case you needed some direction!

US Babies: Bottomfeeders, not Breastfeeders

Why is breastfeeding in the US considered a "lifestyle" choice and not a medical one? Why is formula promoted by our medical community and used so casually by our society as a whole? What is at the root of all this?  MONEY!  Why have we put money ahead of what is best for our babies?  I found myself stewing over that tonight (thus the post at 5 am!)

What set off my stewing session, you ask?  Well, last evening I received an e-mail announcement from a small breastfeeding garment company that said it has affiliated itself with a popular non-profit breastfeeding website.   Apparently, this garment company will be donating 5% of the sale of it's (overpriced) garment to the "cause" of said website.  And, of course blogged about her reasons for doing so.

 I'd like to share with you the "credo" of this popular website,  "ALL moms deserve to make an informed feeding decision, and to be cheered on, coached and celebrated without pressure, judgement or guilt, whether they breastfeed for 2 days, 2 months, 2 years or not at all.  ALL breastfeeding moms deserve  to succeed & have a positive breastfeeding experience without being "booby trapped".  


May sound OK but unfortunately, most of their breastfeeding information is bad and not "current or evidence based" as  they claim and laden with "booby traps"  that actually hurt a baby's chance to breastfeed, not help them.  OOOPS!  DID I SAY BABIES INSTEAD OF MOTHERS?  YOU BET I DID!  That's all this website needs, more donations to commercialize and undermine breastfeeding.

So I thought, why would a popular breastfeeding website risk promoting information that was incorrect and damaging?   Then suddenly I got it!  If you have the money to advertise with them.......your in!
No matter what information you present on or about breastfeeding if it comes with a fat check, it's good.
Let's not forget, non-profits are businesses to and very lucrative ones at that.

So, since babies don't have money, they are under represented, if at all.  Marketing and information is aimed towards the peeps with the green!  These businesses are all about the parent (consumer) disguised as for the baby......clever yet unethical.  That's why all the "stuff" for babies including websites and books about baby care are not truly baby-friendly.  Just think of the time and money parents spend
 on-line, reading baby books and putting together apparatus instead of just holding and paying attention to the best expert they will ever have....their own baby!

Another issue I have is this "soft" approach to promoting breastfeeding, by basically placating women who choose to do otherwise.  This has been the new craze for over a year now.  We are guilt-free and responsibility-free now thanks to the new crop of so- called breastfeeding advocates.

Is it me or does anyone give a crap about the babies!  Let me be frank(ha!), most of the women in the US who "fail" at breastfeeding or "have to stop", do so for personal/selfish reasons, not medical ones.
Why is it so easy to dismiss what our baby needs and loves,  for our wants, not needs?  Those are two different things!

Money, professional status, houses, cars, vacations..........does a baby care about any of that?  Let me ask, can we possibly conceive doing with less?  Do we really need the new SUV when we are having our first baby?  Do we really need the bigger house in the fancier neighborhood (that we have no time to be acquainted with) and the better schools if our child is a newborn?  Does every child have to have their own bedroom and bathroom?  Really? Would it kill us to stay home from work for at least one year?  Many women say," I enjoy work, I do it for me."  Ya know what, you have the rest of your life to work and guess what....this isn't about you!  Others say, "I pumped at work so my son had breastmilk only for the first year."  That's not the point.  He didn't have you.

 The "you can have it all" myth is just that, a myth, not just for you but your for your baby. OOOPS!  There I go again with the baby mentioning!  You can have a baby,work full-time, breastfeed, bottlefeed, raise that child, have more children, work some more, oh yeah and be married.....sounds like fun! You can have a nice, big house, several nice cars, nice schools, nice vacations and lots of nice possessions.  Unfortunately, what isn't nice is that you had to work your butt off the whole time and sacrificed some precious, impressionable years. Is that the life you envisioned?  Is this the legacy we want to leave?
The babies?  Not only don't they get what they want...they don't get what they need...their moms.

The breastfeeding?  Well the women who successfully breastfeed for at least a year are predominantly stay-at-home moms.  Most of the women who go back to work by 3 months will fail at breastfeeding.  Why? For one, it's too damn early to go back to work!  Your baby and your breasts need you, not a pump.  Reason two, caregivers stuff and overfeed the babies to make them sleep!  Those who have tried to "keep up" with that know what I am talking about.  Companies who make breastpumps are out to make money!!! HELLO?  Your breasts are made for your baby to feed from, not for a milking machine.

So in the end, who really suffers?  The babies.  They have "to do" with substandard food (at best) in place of your milk.  Not only does it taste disgusting but now they are placed at risk medically, not to mention the emotional/physical separation associated with bottlefeeding.  Also they have to deal with others taking care of them at an early age.  This is not right.

It always suprises me that most parents have never read the ingredients in the formula that they feed their children yet they shop at Whole Foods.  I'd like to share with you the ingredients right from the side of a can of Similac Isomil Advanced formula. Here goes from the top:

   43.2% corn syrup solids, 14.6% soy protein isolate, 11.5% safflower oil, 10.3% sugar(sucrose),
      8.4% soy oil, 7.7% coconut oil......need I go on?   

Mothers ask me, "Is there one formula that is better than another?"  I say, "No".  They are all crap, just breastfeed!  Don't think the "organic" is any better.  The only organic milk for babies is breastmilk!

So if you added up daycare, pumps and equipment associated with pumping, formula (because you will need it) and the equipment for that, the costs of returning to work (clothes, transportation etc), increased medical because you and your child will be sicker, loss of work due to illness, well you might as well just stay home and raise the child yourself.  Trust me, you'd be happier and most importantly your baby would be happier and healthier both physically and emotionally.

To really let you know how I feel (ha!)....the way we conduct our lives in this country is an embarrassment.  We have to do better by our babies. Like, I have said in previous posts, we cannot wait for our government, corporations or medical community to help us and our family.   Why? Because they are the problem! They have put money first, before everything and everyone but themselves.
Yet, that doesn't mean you have to.

So if you want to help "the cause."  PUT YOUR BABY FIRST!!!!   If you don't, who will?  WE as moms need to start saying, "NO" to work, "NO" to formula and "YES to staying home, and "YES to breastfeeding.  Only then, will we be able to pull babies up from the bottom of our society to the top where they belong.

Blind-Sided by a Prejudice System

Serena and my brother Billy in the
sensory room at the NFB Convention

What's the sense of it all?! (no pun intended) In a civilized society, you might think, how could this happen?  The following news story was forwarded to me by my sister-in-law, Carol Castellano, who is the national president of Parents of Blind Children.  As some of you know, my neice, Serena was born in 1984, very premature (23.5 wks) and weighed 1 lb. 4 oz.  She was in the NICU for 8 months, suffered pretty much any complication imaginable but I am happy to say was exclusively breastfeeding on discharge.  Serena is now 26 years old and attending graduate school at Rutgers for her MSW.  And yes, I almost forgot, she is totally blind.  Why did I mention that last?  Because my neice is leading a full and productive life. She was educated in her hometown through the public school system.  Serena started reading braille in pre-school, learned to use a cane by grammer school.  Even though she had an classroom aide in the lower grades, she graduated high school and lived away at college with no classroom aide or assistant what-so-ever!  Among her many interests, Serena is a sports fanatic and music buff.  So the article below, really hit home to me.  It nearly ruined my whole day last Thursday as I cried most of the morning and was so emotional I could barely write....

National Federation of the Blind Successful in Returning Infant to Her Parents

"Family Reunited After Wrongful Seizure of Child "

Independence, Missouri (July 22, 2010):

The National Federation of the Blind (NFB) and its Missouri affiliate announced today that they have succeeded in a legal fight to bring a two-month-old infant, Mikaela Sinnett, home to her parents, Blake Sinnett and Erika Johnson of Independence. The NFB of Missouri hired an attorney to assist the couple after Mikaela was taken from them at Centerpoint Hospital almost immediately after she was born. For fifty-seven days the couple, both of whom are blind, were allowed to visit their child in foster care but were not allowed to bring her home. The sole reason given by Missouri’s Department of Social Services was that the couple was blind and could not properly care for Mikaela without the assistance of a sighted person twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. An evidentiary hearing was scheduled for July 20, but at the last minute the state of Missouri dismissed the case against the couple.

Dr. Marc Maurer, President of the National Federation of the Blind, said: “The National Federation of the Blind is pleased that the state of Missouri has dismissed its case against Blake Sinnett and Erika Johnson and returned baby Mikaela to their care. Despite the fact that blind parents are successfully raising children across the nation, blind Americans continue to find that misconceptions and stereotypes about the capabilities of blind people too often result in hasty and unwarranted decisions to remove children from the custody of blind parents. The worst nightmare of parents everywhere—having a child taken away—is sadly part of the lives of too many blind parents. The National Federation of the Blind stands ready and willing to help state officials across the country understand how blind people use alternative techniques to care for their children. But the blind of America will not tolerate our children being taken from us.”

"We were and are outraged at the action of Centerpoint Hospital and the state of Missouri," said Gary Wunder, president of the National Federation of the Blind of Missouri. "Children's services have the job of protecting children from abuse and we have nothing but admiration for that work. Taking a child away because her parents are blind is an entirely different matter which violates state and federal law. We have gotten Mikaela back home, but we must fundamentally change a system that presumes the incompetence of blind parents and operates on a principle of guilty until proven innocent rather than the reverse. We cannot help but think that new parents who are blind in Missouri will avoid seeking medical and social services that they may need for fear that they will experience a similar ordeal. We can never give back the two months this family has lost, nor can we restore to Erika the joy of nursing her child that this separation has made impossible. What we can do is use their adversity to change the system that allowed this atrocity and educate the people who have mistakenly equated blindness with a lack of perception, intellect, and judgment."

On May 21, 2010, Erika and Blake went to Centerpoint Hospital, where Erika delivered Mikaela. When trying to nurse the baby for the first time, Erika asked for assistance from a nurse when she thought something was wrong. The nurse said that the baby was turning blue and helped reposition the baby, who then began to take nourishment. The nurse assured Erika that it was common for new mothers to need some instruction and that she was doing fine. Blake and Erika were therefore surprised when, some four hours later, they were met by a children's services worker who made inquiries about their vision; asked how they would feed, diaper, and supervise their child; and eventually decreed that Baby Mikaela would not be allowed to be discharged with her mother unless the social worker could be assured there would be constant supervision by someone with sight. On the recommendation of Missouri's Children's Protective Services, Mikaela was placed in foster care and one-hour visits were arranged for several times each week. When the National Federation of the Blind of Missouri determined that blindness was the only reason the child was taken by the state, the organization hired attorney Amy Coopman to handle the case. The National Federation of the Blind now has the option to file complaints with the Missouri Human Rights Commission and/or the federal Office for Civil Rights, as well as at least three options that can be pursued in the state’s courts.

The trauma to these poor people, I can only imagine.  The separation and lost breastfeeding opportunity for this mom and baby....it just made me sick! (I did contact a consultant who is willing to help Erica initiate and enjoy some nursing again, if she so wishes)

My neice, Serena aspires to get married and have children, as is her right and privilage. She is by far one of the most intuitive women I have ever known, as many non-sighted people are, and would make a wonderful mom!. So we have to make sure that what happened to this couple, never happens again.

It's OK to be blind and also be a parent!!!

Carol Castellano (New Jersey) blindchildren@verizon.net:

"--blind people can lead normal lives complete with a job,

a family, friendships, fun, and involvement in community life."